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"I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good."

#79
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She's A Keeper! (33) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Jack (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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She's A Keeper! (8) - Dump Her Ass! (1)

Sep 22, 2015 11:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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Texting :

Girl : Hi honey :-*
Boy : Hi my love [Sending failed]

Girl : Honeeeeey ?
Boy : What happend ? I'm here [Sending failed]

Girl : Are you ignoring me ?
Boy : No honey , I'm answering you . [Sending failed]

Girl : Relationship's Over , Bye!!!
Boy : Fuck You , Go to hell !!! [Message Sent]

#229
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Oct 13, 2011 02:16 PM - Breakups - by MR. Garcia (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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I don't get it. It may be this hangover, but I just don't get it.

#64
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Drunk - by Andrew (man)

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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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Jan 30, 2011 05:56 AM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says "I suck bad dick". What do you think?

#78
1 Comments

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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Kanye (man)

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"I just bought condoms at Big Lots. Please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months."

#95
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Jordan (man)

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“I love being able to call you mine. I’m going to take care of you. All the Tomagatchis I killed were just to prepare me for keeping you alive, safe, and happy.”

#218
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Love - by Brian (man)

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"I think of you as a brother...WTF?"

#72
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Brian (man)

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I'm watching "I Used To Be Fat". I've been doing crunches for the last half hour, yelling at the slut on TV to stop crying and do crunches."

#81
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Health - by John (man)

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Saying 'I love you' only during sex does not count - yes it does!

#70
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Cain (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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On why she was not going to wear a bra that day: “Because my boobs are awesome and they must be free to point at the sky!”

#224
1 Comments

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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Drunk - by Carl (man)

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My girlfriend was asking me what I say when playing video games with my friends. She says, "What do you say, like, 'Suck it! Fuck my dick!'?" God, I love her.

#345
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Nov 27, 2012 06:18 AM - Misc - by bananazack (man)

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You Will Love Me! Roses Are Red, Bullets Are Lead. Take Me Back Now, Or Get Shot In The Head! LMAOO

#107
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She's A Keeper! (21) - Dump Her Ass! (13)

Feb 18, 2011 09:05 AM - Breakups - by Allen Analian (man)

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My girlfriend and I went to a Renaissance Fair, and she talked me into wearing a kilt. While we were browsing a shop, some old woman asked what I was wearing underneath it. Without missing a beat, my girlfriend replied “My lipstick.” The old woman turned bright red.

#213
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She's A Keeper! (111) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Sex - by lmao234 (man)

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Today, I was at school and saw a girl that was deaf wearing a shirt saying, "La la la, I can't hear you! Lol...

#98
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She's A Keeper! (53) - Dump Her Ass! (0)

Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marcus (man)

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My GF: Stop treating me like a child.
Her Dad: You sprouting any hairs down there yet?

#99
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She's A Keeper! (14) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marlen (man)

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"You know how I know I'm the shit? Cuz I keep clogging up the toilet" lol she was rapping a line by the rapper J. Cole

#187
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She's A Keeper! (15) - Dump Her Ass! (6)

Jun 5, 2011 09:57 PM - Misc - by Eric Ramos (man)

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