The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.

#83
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She's A Keeper! (9) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Work - by Adam (man)

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In hind sight, maybe you telling the registration nurse she was a "sexy little hooker" wasn't the best way to get you in back to get your stitches any quicker.

#90
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She's A Keeper! (9) - Dump Her Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 03:28 AM - Health - by Chris (man)

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“You just fisted my kidney!!!”

#220
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Sex - by Marlon (man)

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"We had sex in the bathroom. Then you told me I could watch you pee."

#96
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She's A Keeper! (40) - Dump Her Ass! (6)

Jan 30, 2011 05:32 AM - Sex - by Mikey (man)

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"I just bought condoms at Big Lots. Please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months."

#95
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She's A Keeper! (28) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Jordan (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 11, 2010 09:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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Dec 29, 2011 01:03 AM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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“I love being able to call you mine. I’m going to take care of you. All the Tomagatchis I killed were just to prepare me for keeping you alive, safe, and happy.”

#218
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Love - by Brian (man)

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Part 02:
SMS3: You have to call right now or you will pay for it!!!
SMS4: Son of a B**ch, where the hell are you???

#216
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Sep 10, 2011 04:57 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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I was at a friend's house the other day, and he comes rushing up to his room stating "Justin Bieber got charged with assault!" I feel bad for the kid who has to go home and tell his Dad he got beat up by Justin Bieber.

#97
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Jan 30, 2011 05:32 AM - Misc - by Marcus (man)

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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says "I suck bad dick". What do you think?

#78
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Kanye (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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While Skyping:
Me: What are you doing?
GF: Looking at cute aprons and matching lace thongs for when I cook dinner for you naked. Red or hot pink?

#297
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Sep 5, 2012 09:43 AM - Sex - by Darren (man)

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Part 1:
According to one of my friends,
I went to the swimming pool last night ... After the pool, I checked my mobile in the locker room and I had 4 missed calls and 6 text messages from my GF:
SMS1: Honey, why don't you answer my calls???
SMS2: It seems you're busy even for texting!!!
.
.
.

#217
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Sep 10, 2011 04:58 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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Sep 22, 2015 11:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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A good way to prevent cheating in the US.

#89
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Jan 30, 2011 03:23 AM - School - by WTF (man)

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I saw this online and thought of you!

#91
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Jan 30, 2011 03:45 AM - Sports - by Mark (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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Did you tell your mom to text me "I love you"?

#67
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She's A Keeper! (9) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Peter (man)

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On leaving me alone for a few weeks: “Ok here's where I put the laundry detergent and bleach. In case you, like, murder a hooker in bed or something.”

#227
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She's A Keeper! (91) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Mark (man)

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