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99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one, you got 100 problems and a bitch is one.

#68
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Jayzow (man)

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After I make it rain at a strip club, my drunk gf says: "Giving the strippers money is like feeding the animals at the zoo."

#239
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Nov 26, 2011 06:13 AM - Money - by Say Whaaaa (man)

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“I love being able to call you mine. I’m going to take care of you. All the Tomagatchis I killed were just to prepare me for keeping you alive, safe, and happy.”

#218
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Love - by Brian (man)

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My GF: Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
Me: I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.

#85
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Jeff (man)

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On how she was going to convince her boss to give her a raise: "Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth."

#65
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Work - by Sean (man)

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After having sex, I finished in her mouth, and she looks up at me, a big smile comes across her face and she excitedly says "It tastes like Devon" .

#228
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Sep 26, 2011 02:15 AM - Sex - by devon-guy (man)

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My girlfriend was asking me what I say when playing video games with my friends. She says, "What do you say, like, 'Suck it! Fuck my dick!'?" God, I love her.

#345
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Nov 27, 2012 06:18 AM - Misc - by bananazack (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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Just got this text from my gf. "I farted earlier and Sargent (her co-worker) was like omg what's that smell and kept sniffing. I was like yeah ew what is that?

#280
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Feb 14, 2012 01:18 AM - Work - by timbo (man)

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Sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. Ever. I don't care how drunk you are."

#77
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Chris (man)

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She sends me this picture and says: "Treat me right, or else..."

#92
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Jan 30, 2011 03:45 AM - Love - by Brandon (man)

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Today, I was at school and saw a girl that was deaf wearing a shirt saying, "La la la, I can't hear you! Lol...

#98
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Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marcus (man)

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I saw a pigeon get pood on by another pigeon. Justice.

#210
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by PigeonCrap (man)

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"You know how I know I'm the shit? Cuz I keep clogging up the toilet" lol she was rapping a line by the rapper J. Cole

#187
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Jun 5, 2011 09:57 PM - Misc - by Eric Ramos (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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Dec 29, 2011 01:03 AM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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While Skyping:
Me: What are you doing?
GF: Looking at cute aprons and matching lace thongs for when I cook dinner for you naked. Red or hot pink?

#297
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Sep 5, 2012 09:43 AM - Sex - by Darren (man)

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"Camping in the ghetto is the equivalent to living in Uganda."

#222
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Sep 22, 2011 11:50 PM - Misc - by David (man)

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Today at Best Buy while I was looking through DVDs, I found the Hannah Montana Meet Miley Cyrus Concert on DVD. In the horror section.

#212
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by Mileyhaterade (man)

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Saying 'I love you' only during sex does not count - yes it does!

#70
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Cain (man)

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“You just fisted my kidney!!!”

#220
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She's A Keeper! (39) - Dump Her Ass! (13)

Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Sex - by Marlon (man)

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