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"My dad told me my only assignment from now till graduation is to not die."

#82
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She's A Keeper! (11) - Dump Her Ass! (3)

Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Health - by Shawn (man)

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After I make it rain at a strip club, my drunk gf says: "Giving the strippers money is like feeding the animals at the zoo."

#239
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She's A Keeper! (44) - Dump Her Ass! (11)

Nov 26, 2011 12:13 AM - Money - by Say Whaaaa (man)

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I saw this online and thought of you!

#91
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She's A Keeper! (36) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 29, 2011 09:45 PM - Sports - by Mark (man)

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You Will Love Me! Roses Are Red, Bullets Are Lead. Take Me Back Now, Or Get Shot In The Head! LMAOO

#107
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She's A Keeper! (21) - Dump Her Ass! (12)

Feb 18, 2011 03:05 AM - Breakups - by Allen Analian (man)

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My girlfriend said: I like the way the dogs feet smell......weather he pees on them or not. Just something about the way dog feet smell.......I like it :)

#19
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Jan 2, 2011 10:37 PM - Misc - by jmlcolorado (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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Sep 22, 2015 06:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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She's A Keeper! (34) - Dump Her Ass! (27)

Sep 22, 2011 06:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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Part 1:
According to one of my friends,
I went to the swimming pool last night ... After the pool, I checked my mobile in the locker room and I had 4 missed calls and 6 text messages from my GF:
SMS1: Honey, why don't you answer my calls???
SMS2: It seems you're busy even for texting!!!
.
.
.

#217
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Sep 10, 2011 11:58 AM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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My GF: Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
Me: I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.

#85
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She's A Keeper! (18) - Dump Her Ass! (3)

Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Jeff (man)

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My GF: Stop treating me like a child.
Her Dad: You sprouting any hairs down there yet?

#99
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She's A Keeper! (14) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 29, 2011 11:36 PM - School - by Marlen (man)

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I'm watching "I Used To Be Fat". I've been doing crunches for the last half hour, yelling at the slut on TV to stop crying and do crunches."

#81
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She's A Keeper! (24) - Dump Her Ass! (5)

Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Health - by John (man)

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My girl and I were having sex, and she decided to finish me in her mouth. As I was about to finish blowing my load, she took her mouth off and the last bit of jizz landed on my stomach. She swallowed what was in her mouth and said, "Oh god, I'm sorry. I couldn't take anymore, my mouth was full."

#104
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She's A Keeper! (95) - Dump Her Ass! (8)

Feb 9, 2011 02:56 AM - Sex - by Matador (man)

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On a foreigner we know who is traveling through Australia: “She is gonna back up on so much random dick it's incredible.”

#226
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She's A Keeper! (33) - Dump Her Ass! (6)

Sep 22, 2011 06:54 PM - Sex - by Chrisline (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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Took her to the movies, and came back to my car to find out my battery had died.. got it jumped and came back to her place, and as i lean in for a kiss, she backs away and says "pssh im not kissing you, your car broke down" and walks into her house. Damn.

#66
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She's A Keeper! (2) - Dump Her Ass! (61)

Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Breakups - by Carlos (man)

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"I think of you as a brother...WTF?"

#72
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She's A Keeper! (1) - Dump Her Ass! (44)

Jan 29, 2011 08:37 PM - Love - by Brian (man)

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After talking to her ex-bf: "Great, now I have hepatitis, gross.

#63
2 Comments

She's A Keeper! (3) - Dump Her Ass! (47)

Jan 29, 2011 08:30 PM - Sex - by Mike (man)

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My bed would like to meet you...no, not you...the other guy who isn't a douchebag of a boyfriend.

#69
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She's A Keeper! (0) - Dump Her Ass! (26)

Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Love - by Austin (man)

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"Reminds me of last night. Do you remember? It looks so dirty when I see others doing it. lol"

#93
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She's A Keeper! (26) - Dump Her Ass! (1)

Jan 29, 2011 11:11 PM - Sex - by Phil (man)

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