The Shit Your GF Says or Does

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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Sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. Ever. I don't care how drunk you are."

#77
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Chris (man)

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"I just bought condoms at Big Lots. Please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months."

#95
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Jordan (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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Dec 29, 2011 01:03 AM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says "I suck bad dick". What do you think?

#78
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Kanye (man)

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"He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well."

#87
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rodrigo (man)

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"I think of you as a brother...WTF?"

#72
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Brian (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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On her seeming lack of enthusiasm while she prepared coffee in the nude: "You get enthusiasm, or you get boobs. You don't get both."

#225
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Sam (man)

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Today at Best Buy while I was looking through DVDs, I found the Hannah Montana Meet Miley Cyrus Concert on DVD. In the horror section.

#212
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by Mileyhaterade (man)

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I was at a friend's house the other day, and he comes rushing up to his room stating "Justin Bieber got charged with assault!" I feel bad for the kid who has to go home and tell his Dad he got beat up by Justin Bieber.

#97
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Jan 30, 2011 05:32 AM - Misc - by Marcus (man)

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"I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good."

#79
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Jack (man)

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After talking to her ex-bf: "Great, now I have hepatitis, gross.

#63
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Sex - by Mike (man)

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In hind sight, maybe you telling the registration nurse she was a "sexy little hooker" wasn't the best way to get you in back to get your stitches any quicker.

#90
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Jan 30, 2011 03:28 AM - Health - by Chris (man)

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My bed would like to meet you...no, not you...the other guy who isn't a douchebag of a boyfriend.

#69
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Austin (man)

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There is a cigarette burn in the front of my thong...I'm scared to know what happened last night.

#84
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Brady (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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"I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship."

#223
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Love - by Mike (man)

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You Will Love Me! Roses Are Red, Bullets Are Lead. Take Me Back Now, Or Get Shot In The Head! LMAOO

#107
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Feb 18, 2011 09:05 AM - Breakups - by Allen Analian (man)

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Did you ever realize the word 'dome' says 'do me'?

#86
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Misc - by Clay (man)

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