The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says "I suck bad dick". What do you think?

#78
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Kanye (man)

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My little brother (10) was acting very crazy one day and my mother asked him if they needed to put him on medication. With a perfectly straight face, he replied, "There’s no medication for being awesome."

#211
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Kids - by Awesomeness12 (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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Me: Check out the new Yelawolf video
GF: Whuuuut? I didnt know he was white?
Me: Whatchu mean you didnt know he was white?!
GF: I thought he was Yellow

#282
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Mar 26, 2012 05:51 AM - Misc - by iamknoware (man)

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You Will Love Me! Roses Are Red, Bullets Are Lead. Take Me Back Now, Or Get Shot In The Head! LMAOO

#107
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Feb 18, 2011 09:05 AM - Breakups - by Allen Analian (man)

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My girlfriend said: I like the way the dogs feet smell......weather he pees on them or not. Just something about the way dog feet smell.......I like it :)

#19
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Jan 3, 2011 04:37 AM - Misc - by jmlcolorado (man)

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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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Jan 30, 2011 05:56 AM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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My girlfriend and I were having sex, she was on top and I came in her. She tells me "Hold on, I want you to know how this feels", she lifts off and creampies all over my stomach.

#73
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Isaac (man)

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Part 03 (Last):
SMS5: It's all my fault , I thought you were human but I was wrong!!! You piece of shit and your fat f**king mother. Go to hell with your ... cousin (girl)!!!
SMS6: Ow I forgot to say, Me and your friend "Saeed" have had a relationship for 2 months...Bye F**KER!!!

#215
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Sep 10, 2011 04:56 PM - Love - by Mr. Garcia (man)

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My bed would like to meet you...no, not you...the other guy who isn't a douchebag of a boyfriend.

#69
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Austin (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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Dec 29, 2011 01:03 AM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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On how she was going to convince her boss to give her a raise: "Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth."

#65
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Work - by Sean (man)

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"He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well."

#87
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rodrigo (man)

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After talking to her ex-bf: "Great, now I have hepatitis, gross.

#63
2 Comments

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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Sex - by Mike (man)

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My GF: Stop treating me like a child.
Her Dad: You sprouting any hairs down there yet?

#99
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Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marlen (man)

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“I love being able to call you mine. I’m going to take care of you. All the Tomagatchis I killed were just to prepare me for keeping you alive, safe, and happy.”

#218
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Love - by Brian (man)

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"We had sex in the bathroom. Then you told me I could watch you pee."

#96
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Jan 30, 2011 05:32 AM - Sex - by Mikey (man)

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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"I just bought condoms at Big Lots. Please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months."

#95
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Jordan (man)

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She sends me this picture and says: "Treat me right, or else..."

#92
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She's A Keeper! (9) - Dump Her Ass! (51)

Jan 30, 2011 03:45 AM - Love - by Brandon (man)

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