The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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There is a cigarette burn in the front of my thong...I'm scared to know what happened last night.

#84
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Brady (man)

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Her: Baby can we make sex tonight...
Me: OK honey let me go to the store to get some condoms.
Her: Noooooooooooooo!

#283
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Mar 27, 2012 02:21 AM - Sex - by Anonymous (man)

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"Camping in the ghetto is the equivalent to living in Uganda."

#222
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Sep 22, 2011 11:50 PM - Misc - by David (man)

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After I make it rain at a strip club, my drunk gf says: "Giving the strippers money is like feeding the animals at the zoo."

#239
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Nov 26, 2011 06:13 AM - Money - by Say Whaaaa (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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My little brother (10) was acting very crazy one day and my mother asked him if they needed to put him on medication. With a perfectly straight face, he replied, "There’s no medication for being awesome."

#211
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Kids - by Awesomeness12 (man)

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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Today, I was at school and saw a girl that was deaf wearing a shirt saying, "La la la, I can't hear you! Lol...

#98
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Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marcus (man)

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Me: Check out the new Yelawolf video
GF: Whuuuut? I didnt know he was white?
Me: Whatchu mean you didnt know he was white?!
GF: I thought he was Yellow

#282
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Mar 26, 2012 05:51 AM - Misc - by iamknoware (man)

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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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Jan 30, 2011 05:56 AM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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I was at a friend's house the other day, and he comes rushing up to his room stating "Justin Bieber got charged with assault!" I feel bad for the kid who has to go home and tell his Dad he got beat up by Justin Bieber.

#97
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Jan 30, 2011 05:32 AM - Misc - by Marcus (man)

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My GF: Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
Me: I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.

#85
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Jeff (man)

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Did you tell your mom to text me "I love you"?

#67
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Peter (man)

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"My dad told me my only assignment from now till graduation is to not die."

#82
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Health - by Shawn (man)

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You Will Love Me! Roses Are Red, Bullets Are Lead. Take Me Back Now, Or Get Shot In The Head! LMAOO

#107
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Feb 18, 2011 09:05 AM - Breakups - by Allen Analian (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 11, 2010 09:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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Today at Best Buy while I was looking through DVDs, I found the Hannah Montana Meet Miley Cyrus Concert on DVD. In the horror section.

#212
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by Mileyhaterade (man)

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Texting :

Girl : Hi honey :-*
Boy : Hi my love [Sending failed]

Girl : Honeeeeey ?
Boy : What happend ? I'm here [Sending failed]

Girl : Are you ignoring me ?
Boy : No honey , I'm answering you . [Sending failed]

Girl : Relationship's Over , Bye!!!
Boy : Fuck You , Go to hell !!! [Message Sent]

#229
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Jan 19, 5365 01:18 PM - Breakups - by MR. Garcia (man)

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A good way to prevent cheating in the US.

#89
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Jan 30, 2011 03:23 AM - School - by WTF (man)

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