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On why she was not going to wear a bra that day: “Because my boobs are awesome and they must be free to point at the sky!”

#224
1 Comments

She's A Keeper! (68) - Dump Her Ass! (9)

Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Drunk - by Carl (man)

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Did you tell your mom to text me "I love you"?

#67
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She's A Keeper! (9) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Peter (man)

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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.

#83
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She's A Keeper! (9) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Work - by Adam (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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She's A Keeper! (8) - Dump Her Ass! (1)

Sep 22, 2015 11:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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Part 1:
According to one of my friends,
I went to the swimming pool last night ... After the pool, I checked my mobile in the locker room and I had 4 missed calls and 6 text messages from my GF:
SMS1: Honey, why don't you answer my calls???
SMS2: It seems you're busy even for texting!!!
.
.
.

#217
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She's A Keeper! (5) - Dump Her Ass! (40)

Sep 10, 2011 04:58 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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She's A Keeper! (34) - Dump Her Ass! (27)

Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
1 Comments

She's A Keeper! (57) - Dump Her Ass! (22)

Dec 11, 2010 09:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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She's A Keeper! (6) - Dump Her Ass! (30)

Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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Texting :

Girl : Hi honey :-*
Boy : Hi my love [Sending failed]

Girl : Honeeeeey ?
Boy : What happend ? I'm here [Sending failed]

Girl : Are you ignoring me ?
Boy : No honey , I'm answering you . [Sending failed]

Girl : Relationship's Over , Bye!!!
Boy : Fuck You , Go to hell !!! [Message Sent]

#229
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She's A Keeper! (14) - Dump Her Ass! (51)

Oct 13, 2011 02:16 PM - Breakups - by MR. Garcia (man)

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"We had sex in the bathroom. Then you told me I could watch you pee."

#96
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She's A Keeper! (40) - Dump Her Ass! (6)

Jan 30, 2011 05:32 AM - Sex - by Mikey (man)

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After I make it rain at a strip club, my drunk gf says: "Giving the strippers money is like feeding the animals at the zoo."

#239
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She's A Keeper! (44) - Dump Her Ass! (12)

Nov 26, 2011 06:13 AM - Money - by Say Whaaaa (man)

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I saw this online and thought of you!

#91
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She's A Keeper! (36) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 03:45 AM - Sports - by Mark (man)

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I saw a pigeon get pood on by another pigeon. Justice.

#210
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She's A Keeper! (34) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by PigeonCrap (man)

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"He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well."

#87
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She's A Keeper! (27) - Dump Her Ass! (5)

Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rodrigo (man)

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Me: Check out the new Yelawolf video
GF: Whuuuut? I didnt know he was white?
Me: Whatchu mean you didnt know he was white?!
GF: I thought he was Yellow

#282
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Mar 26, 2012 05:51 AM - Misc - by iamknoware (man)

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"You know how I know I'm the shit? Cuz I keep clogging up the toilet" lol she was rapping a line by the rapper J. Cole

#187
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She's A Keeper! (15) - Dump Her Ass! (6)

Jun 5, 2011 09:57 PM - Misc - by Eric Ramos (man)

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You Will Love Me! Roses Are Red, Bullets Are Lead. Take Me Back Now, Or Get Shot In The Head! LMAOO

#107
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She's A Keeper! (21) - Dump Her Ass! (13)

Feb 18, 2011 09:05 AM - Breakups - by Allen Analian (man)

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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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She's A Keeper! (20) - Dump Her Ass! (3)

Jan 30, 2011 05:56 AM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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"You are always looking for the green grass over the rainbow"

#346
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She's A Keeper! (8) - Dump Her Ass! (3)

Dec 12, 2012 02:02 AM - Misc - by pie (man)

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In hind sight, maybe you telling the registration nurse she was a "sexy little hooker" wasn't the best way to get you in back to get your stitches any quicker.

#90
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She's A Keeper! (9) - Dump Her Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 03:28 AM - Health - by Chris (man)

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