The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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On a foreigner we know who is traveling through Australia: “She is gonna back up on so much random dick it's incredible.”

#226
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Sep 22, 2011 06:54 PM - Sex - by Chrisline (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 11, 2010 03:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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"We had sex in the bathroom. Then you told me I could watch you pee."

#96
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Jan 29, 2011 11:32 PM - Sex - by Mikey (man)

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My girlfriend said: I like the way the dogs feet smell......weather he pees on them or not. Just something about the way dog feet smell.......I like it :)

#19
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Jan 2, 2011 10:37 PM - Misc - by jmlcolorado (man)

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"You know how I know I'm the shit? Cuz I keep clogging up the toilet" lol she was rapping a line by the rapper J. Cole

#187
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Jun 5, 2011 04:57 PM - Misc - by Eric Ramos (man)

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"He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well."

#87
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Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Rodrigo (man)

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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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Jan 29, 2011 11:56 PM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 06:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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On how she was going to convince her boss to give her a raise: "Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth."

#65
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Jan 29, 2011 08:30 PM - Work - by Sean (man)

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"I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship."

#223
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Sep 22, 2011 06:54 PM - Love - by Mike (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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Saying 'I love you' only during sex does not count - yes it does!

#70
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Love - by Cain (man)

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"Camping in the ghetto is the equivalent to living in Uganda."

#222
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Sep 22, 2011 06:50 PM - Misc - by David (man)

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"Reminds me of last night. Do you remember? It looks so dirty when I see others doing it. lol"

#93
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Jan 29, 2011 11:11 PM - Sex - by Phil (man)

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I saw this online and thought of you!

#91
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Jan 29, 2011 09:45 PM - Sports - by Mark (man)

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"I just bought condoms at Big Lots. Please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months."

#95
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Jan 29, 2011 11:12 PM - Sex - by Jordan (man)

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After talking to her ex-bf: "Great, now I have hepatitis, gross.

#63
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Jan 29, 2011 08:30 PM - Sex - by Mike (man)

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Part 02:
SMS3: You have to call right now or you will pay for it!!!
SMS4: Son of a B**ch, where the hell are you???

#216
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Sep 10, 2011 11:57 AM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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"I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good."

#79
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Drunk - by Jack (man)

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99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one, you got 100 problems and a bitch is one.

#68
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Love - by Jayzow (man)

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