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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
1 Comments

She's A Keeper! (57) - Dump Her Ass! (22)

Dec 11, 2010 09:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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She's A Keeper! (6) - Dump Her Ass! (1)

Sep 22, 2015 11:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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"My dad told me my only assignment from now till graduation is to not die."

#82
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Health - by Shawn (man)

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Part 03 (Last):
SMS5: It's all my fault , I thought you were human but I was wrong!!! You piece of shit and your fat f**king mother. Go to hell with your ... cousin (girl)!!!
SMS6: Ow I forgot to say, Me and your friend "Saeed" have had a relationship for 2 months...Bye F**KER!!!

#215
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Sep 10, 2011 04:56 PM - Love - by Mr. Garcia (man)

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Saying 'I love you' only during sex does not count - yes it does!

#70
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Cain (man)

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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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Jan 30, 2011 05:56 AM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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"You are always looking for the green grass over the rainbow"

#346
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Dec 12, 2012 02:02 AM - Misc - by pie (man)

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"I think of you as a brother...WTF?"

#72
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Brian (man)

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My girlfriend and I were having sex, she was on top and I came in her. She tells me "Hold on, I want you to know how this feels", she lifts off and creampies all over my stomach.

#73
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Isaac (man)

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Today, I was at school and saw a girl that was deaf wearing a shirt saying, "La la la, I can't hear you! Lol...

#98
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She's A Keeper! (53) - Dump Her Ass! (0)

Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marcus (man)

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Took her to the movies, and came back to my car to find out my battery had died.. got it jumped and came back to her place, and as i lean in for a kiss, she backs away and says "pssh im not kissing you, your car broke down" and walks into her house. Damn.

#66
1 Comments

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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Breakups - by Carlos (man)

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I saw a pigeon get pood on by another pigeon. Justice.

#210
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She's A Keeper! (34) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by PigeonCrap (man)

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While Skyping:
Me: What are you doing?
GF: Looking at cute aprons and matching lace thongs for when I cook dinner for you naked. Red or hot pink?

#297
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Sep 5, 2012 09:43 AM - Sex - by Darren (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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On leaving me alone for a few weeks: “Ok here's where I put the laundry detergent and bleach. In case you, like, murder a hooker in bed or something.”

#227
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She's A Keeper! (91) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Mark (man)

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She sends me this picture and says: "Treat me right, or else..."

#92
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She's A Keeper! (9) - Dump Her Ass! (51)

Jan 30, 2011 03:45 AM - Love - by Brandon (man)

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After having sex, I finished in her mouth, and she looks up at me, a big smile comes across her face and she excitedly says "It tastes like Devon" .

#228
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She's A Keeper! (22) - Dump Her Ass! (73)

Sep 26, 2011 02:15 AM - Sex - by devon-guy (man)

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"He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well."

#87
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She's A Keeper! (27) - Dump Her Ass! (5)

Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rodrigo (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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She's A Keeper! (12) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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