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Today, I was at school and saw a girl that was deaf wearing a shirt saying, "La la la, I can't hear you! Lol...

#98
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Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marcus (man)

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She sends me this picture and says: "Treat me right, or else..."

#92
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Jan 30, 2011 03:45 AM - Love - by Brandon (man)

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My girlfriend said: I like the way the dogs feet smell......weather he pees on them or not. Just something about the way dog feet smell.......I like it :)

#19
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Jan 3, 2011 04:37 AM - Misc - by jmlcolorado (man)

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After talking to her ex-bf: "Great, now I have hepatitis, gross.

#63
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Sex - by Mike (man)

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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks.

#75
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Harold (man)

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Part 02:
SMS3: You have to call right now or you will pay for it!!!
SMS4: Son of a B**ch, where the hell are you???

#216
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Sep 10, 2011 04:57 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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I was walking my dog when a purse snatcher ran past me and stole the poop bag.

#207
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by Idiots (man)

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"We had sex in the bathroom. Then you told me I could watch you pee."

#96
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Jan 30, 2011 05:32 AM - Sex - by Mikey (man)

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My girlfriend and I went to a Renaissance Fair, and she talked me into wearing a kilt. While we were browsing a shop, some old woman asked what I was wearing underneath it. Without missing a beat, my girlfriend replied “My lipstick.” The old woman turned bright red.

#213
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Sex - by lmao234 (man)

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I don't get it. It may be this hangover, but I just don't get it.

#64
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Drunk - by Andrew (man)

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Did you ever realize the word 'dome' says 'do me'?

#86
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Misc - by Clay (man)

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On leaving me alone for a few weeks: “Ok here's where I put the laundry detergent and bleach. In case you, like, murder a hooker in bed or something.”

#227
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Mark (man)

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"I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship."

#223
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Love - by Mike (man)

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Sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. Ever. I don't care how drunk you are."

#77
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Chris (man)

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On why she was not going to wear a bra that day: “Because my boobs are awesome and they must be free to point at the sky!”

#224
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Drunk - by Carl (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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Dec 29, 2011 01:03 AM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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"I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good."

#79
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Jack (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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Sep 22, 2015 11:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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"You know how I know I'm the shit? Cuz I keep clogging up the toilet" lol she was rapping a line by the rapper J. Cole

#187
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She's A Keeper! (15) - Dump Her Ass! (6)

Jun 5, 2011 09:57 PM - Misc - by Eric Ramos (man)

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