The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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Just realized "strap-on" spelled backwards is "no-parts".

#208
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Sex - by Jimms (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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Did you tell your mom to text me "I love you"?

#67
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Peter (man)

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On her seeming lack of enthusiasm while she prepared coffee in the nude: "You get enthusiasm, or you get boobs. You don't get both."

#225
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Sam (man)

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I saw this online and thought of you!

#91
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Jan 30, 2011 03:45 AM - Sports - by Mark (man)

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Part 02:
SMS3: You have to call right now or you will pay for it!!!
SMS4: Son of a B**ch, where the hell are you???

#216
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Sep 10, 2011 04:57 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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"I think of you as a brother...WTF?"

#72
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Brian (man)

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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says "I suck bad dick". What do you think?

#78
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Kanye (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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I know this is gonna sound weird, but my boobs tell me to break up with you - then get implants and shut them the fuck up!

#74
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Sex - by Jamie (man)

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After having sex, I finished in her mouth, and she looks up at me, a big smile comes across her face and she excitedly says "It tastes like Devon" .

#228
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Sep 26, 2011 02:15 AM - Sex - by devon-guy (man)

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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I don't get it. It may be this hangover, but I just don't get it.

#64
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Drunk - by Andrew (man)

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“You just fisted my kidney!!!”

#220
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Sex - by Marlon (man)

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"I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship."

#223
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Love - by Mike (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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Dec 29, 2011 01:03 AM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one, you got 100 problems and a bitch is one.

#68
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Jayzow (man)

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Did you ever realize the word 'dome' says 'do me'?

#86
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Misc - by Clay (man)

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My girlfriend and I were having sex, she was on top and I came in her. She tells me "Hold on, I want you to know how this feels", she lifts off and creampies all over my stomach.

#73
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Isaac (man)

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"He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well."

#87
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rodrigo (man)

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