The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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"I just bought condoms at Big Lots. Please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months."

#95
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Jordan (man)

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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says "I suck bad dick". What do you think?

#78
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Kanye (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 11, 2010 09:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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I have a deviated septum. Can I snort things?

#80
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Misc - by Ryan (man)

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Just realized "strap-on" spelled backwards is "no-parts".

#208
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Sex - by Jimms (man)

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After having sex, I finished in her mouth, and she looks up at me, a big smile comes across her face and she excitedly says "It tastes like Devon" .

#228
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Sep 26, 2011 02:15 AM - Sex - by devon-guy (man)

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"We had sex in the bathroom. Then you told me I could watch you pee."

#96
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Jan 30, 2011 05:32 AM - Sex - by Mikey (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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Part 02:
SMS3: You have to call right now or you will pay for it!!!
SMS4: Son of a B**ch, where the hell are you???

#216
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Sep 10, 2011 04:57 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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While Skyping:
Me: What are you doing?
GF: Looking at cute aprons and matching lace thongs for when I cook dinner for you naked. Red or hot pink?

#297
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Sep 5, 2012 09:43 AM - Sex - by Darren (man)

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My little brother (10) was acting very crazy one day and my mother asked him if they needed to put him on medication. With a perfectly straight face, he replied, "There’s no medication for being awesome."

#211
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Kids - by Awesomeness12 (man)

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Took her to the movies, and came back to my car to find out my battery had died.. got it jumped and came back to her place, and as i lean in for a kiss, she backs away and says "pssh im not kissing you, your car broke down" and walks into her house. Damn.

#66
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Breakups - by Carlos (man)

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On why she was not going to wear a bra that day: “Because my boobs are awesome and they must be free to point at the sky!”

#224
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Drunk - by Carl (man)

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On her seeming lack of enthusiasm while she prepared coffee in the nude: "You get enthusiasm, or you get boobs. You don't get both."

#225
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Sam (man)

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Her: Baby can we make sex tonight...
Me: OK honey let me go to the store to get some condoms.
Her: Noooooooooooooo!

#283
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Mar 27, 2012 02:21 AM - Sex - by Anonymous (man)

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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"I think of you as a brother...WTF?"

#72
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Brian (man)

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I don't get it. It may be this hangover, but I just don't get it.

#64
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Drunk - by Andrew (man)

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My GF: Stop treating me like a child.
Her Dad: You sprouting any hairs down there yet?

#99
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Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marlen (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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Sep 22, 2015 11:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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