The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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I was walking my dog when a purse snatcher ran past me and stole the poop bag.

#207
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Misc - by Idiots (man)

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I saw two teenagers stopped at a green light at a major road, honking at and flipping off an old man crossing slowly. As a result, the old man dropped his pants and mooned the youngsters. Classic!

#209
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Sex - by Moonies (man)

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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.

#83
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Work - by Adam (man)

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“You just fisted my kidney!!!”

#220
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Sep 22, 2011 06:48 PM - Sex - by Marlon (man)

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My girlfriend and I were having sex, she was on top and I came in her. She tells me "Hold on, I want you to know how this feels", she lifts off and creampies all over my stomach.

#73
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Jan 29, 2011 08:37 PM - Love - by Isaac (man)

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On her seeming lack of enthusiasm while she prepared coffee in the nude: "You get enthusiasm, or you get boobs. You don't get both."

#225
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Sep 22, 2011 06:54 PM - Misc - by Sam (man)

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My little brother (10) was acting very crazy one day and my mother asked him if they needed to put him on medication. With a perfectly straight face, he replied, "There’s no medication for being awesome."

#211
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Kids - by Awesomeness12 (man)

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After talking to her ex-bf: "Great, now I have hepatitis, gross.

#63
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Jan 29, 2011 08:30 PM - Sex - by Mike (man)

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Part 1:
According to one of my friends,
I went to the swimming pool last night ... After the pool, I checked my mobile in the locker room and I had 4 missed calls and 6 text messages from my GF:
SMS1: Honey, why don't you answer my calls???
SMS2: It seems you're busy even for texting!!!
.
.
.

#217
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Sep 10, 2011 11:58 AM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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Just got this text from my gf. "I farted earlier and Sargent (her co-worker) was like omg what's that smell and kept sniffing. I was like yeah ew what is that?

#280
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Feb 13, 2012 07:18 PM - Work - by timbo (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 11, 2010 03:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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Sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. Ever. I don't care how drunk you are."

#77
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Drunk - by Chris (man)

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99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one, you got 100 problems and a bitch is one.

#68
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Love - by Jayzow (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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Dec 28, 2011 07:03 PM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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I saw a pigeon get pood on by another pigeon. Justice.

#210
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Misc - by PigeonCrap (man)

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"You know how I know I'm the shit? Cuz I keep clogging up the toilet" lol she was rapping a line by the rapper J. Cole

#187
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Jun 5, 2011 04:57 PM - Misc - by Eric Ramos (man)

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She sends me this picture and says: "Treat me right, or else..."

#92
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Jan 29, 2011 09:45 PM - Love - by Brandon (man)

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I was at a friend's house the other day, and he comes rushing up to his room stating "Justin Bieber got charged with assault!" I feel bad for the kid who has to go home and tell his Dad he got beat up by Justin Bieber.

#97
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Jan 29, 2011 11:32 PM - Misc - by Marcus (man)

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