The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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Sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. Ever. I don't care how drunk you are."

#77
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Drunk - by Chris (man)

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After talking to her ex-bf: "Great, now I have hepatitis, gross.

#63
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Jan 29, 2011 08:30 PM - Sex - by Mike (man)

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I was at a friend's house the other day, and he comes rushing up to his room stating "Justin Bieber got charged with assault!" I feel bad for the kid who has to go home and tell his Dad he got beat up by Justin Bieber.

#97
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Jan 29, 2011 11:32 PM - Misc - by Marcus (man)

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On why she was not going to wear a bra that day: “Because my boobs are awesome and they must be free to point at the sky!”

#224
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Sep 22, 2011 06:54 PM - Drunk - by Carl (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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Sep 22, 2011 06:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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I saw a pigeon get pood on by another pigeon. Justice.

#210
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Misc - by PigeonCrap (man)

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"Don't you think this would be the perfect store for you to work at? It's what you do naturally."

#100
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Jan 29, 2011 11:50 PM - Money - by Hank (man)

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Just got this text from my gf. "I farted earlier and Sargent (her co-worker) was like omg what's that smell and kept sniffing. I was like yeah ew what is that?

#280
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Feb 13, 2012 07:18 PM - Work - by timbo (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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Sep 22, 2015 06:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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In hind sight, maybe you telling the registration nurse she was a "sexy little hooker" wasn't the best way to get you in back to get your stitches any quicker.

#90
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Jan 29, 2011 09:28 PM - Health - by Chris (man)

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My GF: Stop treating me like a child.
Her Dad: You sprouting any hairs down there yet?

#99
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Jan 29, 2011 11:36 PM - School - by Marlen (man)

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"My dad told me my only assignment from now till graduation is to not die."

#82
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Health - by Shawn (man)

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Me: Check out the new Yelawolf video
GF: Whuuuut? I didnt know he was white?
Me: Whatchu mean you didnt know he was white?!
GF: I thought he was Yellow

#282
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Mar 26, 2012 12:51 AM - Misc - by iamknoware (man)

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"Camping in the ghetto is the equivalent to living in Uganda."

#222
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Sep 22, 2011 06:50 PM - Misc - by David (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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Dec 28, 2011 07:03 PM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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Just realized "strap-on" spelled backwards is "no-parts".

#208
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Sex - by Jimms (man)

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Found our roommate masturbating to Justin Bieber. I mean, really?

#94
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Jan 29, 2011 11:12 PM - Sex - by James (man)

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My bed would like to meet you...no, not you...the other guy who isn't a douchebag of a boyfriend.

#69
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Love - by Austin (man)

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"I think of you as a brother...WTF?"

#72
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Jan 29, 2011 08:37 PM - Love - by Brian (man)

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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.

#83
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Work - by Adam (man)

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