The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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“You just fisted my kidney!!!”

#220
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Sep 22, 2011 06:48 PM - Sex - by Marlon (man)

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After I make it rain at a strip club, my drunk gf says: "Giving the strippers money is like feeding the animals at the zoo."

#239
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Nov 26, 2011 12:13 AM - Money - by Say Whaaaa (man)

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I don't get it. It may be this hangover, but I just don't get it.

#64
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Jan 29, 2011 08:30 PM - Drunk - by Andrew (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 06:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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Today, I was at school and saw a girl that was deaf wearing a shirt saying, "La la la, I can't hear you! Lol...

#98
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Jan 29, 2011 11:36 PM - School - by Marcus (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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Part 03 (Last):
SMS5: It's all my fault , I thought you were human but I was wrong!!! You piece of shit and your fat f**king mother. Go to hell with your ... cousin (girl)!!!
SMS6: Ow I forgot to say, Me and your friend "Saeed" have had a relationship for 2 months...Bye F**KER!!!

#215
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Sep 10, 2011 11:56 AM - Love - by Mr. Garcia (man)

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My girl and I were having sex, and she decided to finish me in her mouth. As I was about to finish blowing my load, she took her mouth off and the last bit of jizz landed on my stomach. She swallowed what was in her mouth and said, "Oh god, I'm sorry. I couldn't take anymore, my mouth was full."

#104
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Feb 9, 2011 02:56 AM - Sex - by Matador (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks.

#75
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Drunk - by Harold (man)

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Today at Best Buy while I was looking through DVDs, I found the Hannah Montana Meet Miley Cyrus Concert on DVD. In the horror section.

#212
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Misc - by Mileyhaterade (man)

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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Sep 22, 2011 06:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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You Will Love Me! Roses Are Red, Bullets Are Lead. Take Me Back Now, Or Get Shot In The Head! LMAOO

#107
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Feb 18, 2011 03:05 AM - Breakups - by Allen Analian (man)

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I know this is gonna sound weird, but my boobs tell me to break up with you - then get implants and shut them the fuck up!

#74
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Jan 29, 2011 08:37 PM - Sex - by Jamie (man)

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"You know how I know I'm the shit? Cuz I keep clogging up the toilet" lol she was rapping a line by the rapper J. Cole

#187
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Jun 5, 2011 04:57 PM - Misc - by Eric Ramos (man)

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I was walking my dog when a purse snatcher ran past me and stole the poop bag.

#207
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Misc - by Idiots (man)

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My girlfriend and I were having sex, she was on top and I came in her. She tells me "Hold on, I want you to know how this feels", she lifts off and creampies all over my stomach.

#73
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Jan 29, 2011 08:37 PM - Love - by Isaac (man)

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She sends me this picture and says: "Treat me right, or else..."

#92
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Jan 29, 2011 09:45 PM - Love - by Brandon (man)

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"You are always looking for the green grass over the rainbow"

#346
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She's A Keeper! (8) - Dump Her Ass! (3)

Dec 11, 2012 08:02 PM - Misc - by pie (man)

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