The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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Took her to the movies, and came back to my car to find out my battery had died.. got it jumped and came back to her place, and as i lean in for a kiss, she backs away and says "pssh im not kissing you, your car broke down" and walks into her house. Damn.

#66
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Breakups - by Carlos (man)

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I'm watching "I Used To Be Fat". I've been doing crunches for the last half hour, yelling at the slut on TV to stop crying and do crunches."

#81
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Health - by John (man)

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"Don't you think this would be the perfect store for you to work at? It's what you do naturally."

#100
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Jan 29, 2011 11:50 PM - Money - by Hank (man)

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99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one, you got 100 problems and a bitch is one.

#68
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Love - by Jayzow (man)

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On why she was not going to wear a bra that day: “Because my boobs are awesome and they must be free to point at the sky!”

#224
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Sep 22, 2011 06:54 PM - Drunk - by Carl (man)

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"I just bought condoms at Big Lots. Please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months."

#95
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Jan 29, 2011 11:12 PM - Sex - by Jordan (man)

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On how she was going to convince her boss to give her a raise: "Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth."

#65
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Jan 29, 2011 08:30 PM - Work - by Sean (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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I saw this online and thought of you!

#91
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Jan 29, 2011 09:45 PM - Sports - by Mark (man)

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After having sex, I finished in her mouth, and she looks up at me, a big smile comes across her face and she excitedly says "It tastes like Devon" .

#228
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Sep 25, 2011 09:15 PM - Sex - by devon-guy (man)

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"I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship."

#223
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Sep 22, 2011 06:54 PM - Love - by Mike (man)

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My girlfriend and I went to a Renaissance Fair, and she talked me into wearing a kilt. While we were browsing a shop, some old woman asked what I was wearing underneath it. Without missing a beat, my girlfriend replied “My lipstick.” The old woman turned bright red.

#213
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Sex - by lmao234 (man)

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On a foreigner we know who is traveling through Australia: “She is gonna back up on so much random dick it's incredible.”

#226
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Sep 22, 2011 06:54 PM - Sex - by Chrisline (man)

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My girlfriend and I were having sex, she was on top and I came in her. She tells me "Hold on, I want you to know how this feels", she lifts off and creampies all over my stomach.

#73
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Jan 29, 2011 08:37 PM - Love - by Isaac (man)

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Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is my way of breaking up with you.

#71
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Kids - by Danny (man)

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I was at a friend's house the other day, and he comes rushing up to his room stating "Justin Bieber got charged with assault!" I feel bad for the kid who has to go home and tell his Dad he got beat up by Justin Bieber.

#97
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Jan 29, 2011 11:32 PM - Misc - by Marcus (man)

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"I just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples...I don't know how they got there."

#76
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Drunk - by Mel (man)

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My girlfriend said: I like the way the dogs feet smell......weather he pees on them or not. Just something about the way dog feet smell.......I like it :)

#19
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Jan 2, 2011 10:37 PM - Misc - by jmlcolorado (man)

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She sends me this picture and says: "Treat me right, or else..."

#92
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Jan 29, 2011 09:45 PM - Love - by Brandon (man)

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I don't get it. It may be this hangover, but I just don't get it.

#64
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Jan 29, 2011 08:30 PM - Drunk - by Andrew (man)

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