The Shit Your GF Says or Does
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Part 03 (Last):
SMS5: It's all my fault , I thought you were human but I was wrong!!! You piece of shit and your fat f**king mother. Go to hell with your ... cousin (girl)!!!
SMS6: Ow I forgot to say, Me and your friend "Saeed" have had a relationship for 2 months...Bye F**KER!!!

#215
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Sep 10, 2011 11:56 AM - Love - by Mr. Garcia (man)

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"Camping in the ghetto is the equivalent to living in Uganda."

#222
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Sep 22, 2011 06:50 PM - Misc - by David (man)

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Her: Baby can we make sex tonight...
Me: OK honey let me go to the store to get some condoms.
Her: Noooooooooooooo!

#283
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Mar 26, 2012 09:21 PM - Sex - by Anonymous (man)

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I saw two teenagers stopped at a green light at a major road, honking at and flipping off an old man crossing slowly. As a result, the old man dropped his pants and mooned the youngsters. Classic!

#209
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Sex - by Moonies (man)

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Did you tell your mom to text me "I love you"?

#67
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Love - by Peter (man)

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I'm watching "I Used To Be Fat". I've been doing crunches for the last half hour, yelling at the slut on TV to stop crying and do crunches."

#81
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Health - by John (man)

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Part 02:
SMS3: You have to call right now or you will pay for it!!!
SMS4: Son of a B**ch, where the hell are you???

#216
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Sep 10, 2011 11:57 AM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 11, 2010 03:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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"He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well."

#87
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Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Rodrigo (man)

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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says "I suck bad dick". What do you think?

#78
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Jan 29, 2011 08:59 PM - Sex - by Kanye (man)

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There is a cigarette burn in the front of my thong...I'm scared to know what happened last night.

#84
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Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Brady (man)

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My girlfriend and I went to a Renaissance Fair, and she talked me into wearing a kilt. While we were browsing a shop, some old woman asked what I was wearing underneath it. Without missing a beat, my girlfriend replied “My lipstick.” The old woman turned bright red.

#213
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Sex - by lmao234 (man)

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In hind sight, maybe you telling the registration nurse she was a "sexy little hooker" wasn't the best way to get you in back to get your stitches any quicker.

#90
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Jan 29, 2011 09:28 PM - Health - by Chris (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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Jan 29, 2011 09:17 PM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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You Will Love Me! Roses Are Red, Bullets Are Lead. Take Me Back Now, Or Get Shot In The Head! LMAOO

#107
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Feb 18, 2011 03:05 AM - Breakups - by Allen Analian (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 06:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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Just realized "strap-on" spelled backwards is "no-parts".

#208
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Aug 10, 2011 03:43 AM - Sex - by Jimms (man)

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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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Jan 29, 2011 11:56 PM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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Saying 'I love you' only during sex does not count - yes it does!

#70
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Jan 29, 2011 08:36 PM - Love - by Cain (man)

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My girlfriend and I were having sex, she was on top and I came in her. She tells me "Hold on, I want you to know how this feels", she lifts off and creampies all over my stomach.

#73
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Jan 29, 2011 08:37 PM - Love - by Isaac (man)

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