"I could hear your roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...let's see him ever get any ass."

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

"Just screw me now. I have been around to much estrogen today and i need the testorone in my life."

My girlfriend and I were fooling around, and I wanted her to talk dirty, so she said very awkwardly "Oh yeah, I like that on my..... breasts." Needless to say we had to stop and laugh then try to continue.

"You're like the Vagina Whisper"

"She called me a whore because I like anal. I told her. I said she ought to try it before she called people names. I was so annoyed I even offered your cock to help her out. She didn't exactly say no. Still, if she borrows it, who would be the whore?"

"She thinks that hooking up in the theater bathroom is bad? How about in the theater.. during Shrek 3. HaHa"

"this might be out of the blue and i could blame it on the drugs, but i won't. next time, i want you to cum in my ass. k, that's all, gnight" i love nyquil

Just finished watching Laguna Beach Season 1 and Lauren Conrad must have herpes or something worse bc Stephen will do just about anything to not hook up with her.

"Your dad just thanked me for 'making his little boy a man' at breakfast this morning."

It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.

I go to your house late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made your life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

After I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

She said we could have sex if I called her "Snookie" and I agreed.

My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud.

"It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean. Am I really that loose?"

You are the best fuck buddy I've had, all the others get feelings and morals involved.

I orgasmed in like a minute, then I couldn't stop orgasming, one after another. He kept on yelling "WAIT FOR ME, WAIT FOR ME!!!"

"Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?"

When she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, I knew it was time to go.