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Her: Baby can we make sex tonight...
Me: OK honey let me go to the store to get some condoms.
Her: Noooooooooooooo!

#283
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She's A Keeper! (0) - Dump Her Ass! (4)

Mar 26, 2012 10:21 PM - Sex - by Anonymous (man)

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Me: Check out the new Yelawolf video
GF: Whuuuut? I didnt know he was white?
Me: Whatchu mean you didnt know he was white?!
GF: I thought he was Yellow

#282
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She's A Keeper! (1) - Dump Her Ass! (0)

Mar 26, 2012 01:51 AM - Misc - by iamknoware (man)

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Just got this text from my gf. "I farted earlier and Sargent (her co-worker) was like omg what's that smell and kept sniffing. I was like yeah ew what is that?

#280
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She's A Keeper! (1) - Dump Her Ass! (0)

Feb 13, 2012 08:18 PM - Work - by timbo (man)

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After thirty minutes of sex my GF says: "Ya know, if it gets too wet there, you can always put it in my butt!"

#274
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She's A Keeper! (60) - Dump Her Ass! (5)

Dec 28, 2011 08:03 PM - Sex - by Mannzutier (woman)

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After I make it rain at a strip club, my drunk gf says: "Giving the strippers money is like feeding the animals at the zoo."

#239
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Nov 26, 2011 01:13 AM - Money - by Say Whaaaa (man)

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Texting :

Girl : Hi honey :-*
Boy : Hi my love [Sending failed]

Girl : Honeeeeey ?
Boy : What happend ? I'm here [Sending failed]

Girl : Are you ignoring me ?
Boy : No honey , I'm answering you . [Sending failed]

Girl : Relationship's Over , Bye!!!
Boy : Fuck You , Go to hell !!! [Message Sent]

#229
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May 19, 5365 01:18 PM - Breakups - by MR. Garcia (man)

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After having sex, I finished in her mouth, and she looks up at me, a big smile comes across her face and she excitedly says "It tastes like Devon" .

#228
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Sep 25, 2011 10:15 PM - Sex - by devon-guy (man)

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On leaving me alone for a few weeks: “Ok here's where I put the laundry detergent and bleach. In case you, like, murder a hooker in bed or something.”

#227
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She's A Keeper! (49) - Dump Her Ass! (2)

Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Misc - by Mark (man)

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On a foreigner we know who is traveling through Australia: “She is gonna back up on so much random dick it's incredible.”

#226
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Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Sex - by Chrisline (man)

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On her seeming lack of enthusiasm while she prepared coffee in the nude: "You get enthusiasm, or you get boobs. You don't get both."

#225
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She's A Keeper! (30) - Dump Her Ass! (6)

Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Misc - by Sam (man)

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On why she was not going to wear a bra that day: “Because my boobs are awesome and they must be free to point at the sky!”

#224
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She's A Keeper! (36) - Dump Her Ass! (7)

Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Drunk - by Carl (man)

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"I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship."

#223
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She's A Keeper! (28) - Dump Her Ass! (11)

Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Love - by Mike (man)

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"Camping in the ghetto is the equivalent to living in Uganda."

#222
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She's A Keeper! (16) - Dump Her Ass! (12)

Sep 22, 2011 07:50 PM - Misc - by David (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 07:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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“You just fisted my kidney!!!”

#220
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She's A Keeper! (19) - Dump Her Ass! (9)

Sep 22, 2011 07:48 PM - Sex - by Marlon (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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She's A Keeper! (16) - Dump Her Ass! (15)

Sep 22, 2011 07:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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“I love being able to call you mine. I’m going to take care of you. All the Tomagatchis I killed were just to prepare me for keeping you alive, safe, and happy.”

#218
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She's A Keeper! (35) - Dump Her Ass! (6)

Sep 22, 2011 07:48 PM - Love - by Brian (man)

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Part 1:
According to one of my friends,
I went to the swimming pool last night ... After the pool, I checked my mobile in the locker room and I had 4 missed calls and 6 text messages from my GF:
SMS1: Honey, why don't you answer my calls???
SMS2: It seems you're busy even for texting!!!
.
.
.

#217
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She's A Keeper! (3) - Dump Her Ass! (27)

Sep 10, 2011 12:58 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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Part 02:
SMS3: You have to call right now or you will pay for it!!!
SMS4: Son of a B**ch, where the hell are you???

#216
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She's A Keeper! (2) - Dump Her Ass! (27)

Sep 10, 2011 12:57 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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Part 03 (Last):
SMS5: It's all my fault , I thought you were human but I was wrong!!! You piece of shit and your fat f**king mother. Go to hell with your ... cousin (girl)!!!
SMS6: Ow I forgot to say, Me and your friend "Saeed" have had a relationship for 2 months...Bye F**KER!!!

#215
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She's A Keeper! (3) - Dump Her Ass! (40)

Sep 10, 2011 12:56 PM - Love - by Mr. Garcia (man)

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