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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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She's A Keeper! (20) - Dump Her Ass! (3)

Jan 30, 2011 05:56 AM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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My GF: Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
Me: I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.

#85
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She's A Keeper! (18) - Dump Her Ass! (3)

Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Jeff (man)

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Found our roommate masturbating to Justin Bieber. I mean, really?

#94
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by James (man)

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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks.

#75
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Drunk - by Harold (man)

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We were driving home from a weekend trip and my girl sucked me off and I came in her mouth (she never takes it in her mouth). So we are at my house the day after and I cum on her tits but got a little near her mouth. She said "just cause I spoil you one time you think you can just do what you want"

#106
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Feb 16, 2011 03:42 AM - Sex - by g6landed (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 11:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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"You know how I know I'm the shit? Cuz I keep clogging up the toilet" lol she was rapping a line by the rapper J. Cole

#187
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Jun 5, 2011 09:57 PM - Misc - by Eric Ramos (man)

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Texting :

Girl : Hi honey :-*
Boy : Hi my love [Sending failed]

Girl : Honeeeeey ?
Boy : What happend ? I'm here [Sending failed]

Girl : Are you ignoring me ?
Boy : No honey , I'm answering you . [Sending failed]

Girl : Relationship's Over , Bye!!!
Boy : Fuck You , Go to hell !!! [Message Sent]

#229
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Oct 13, 2011 02:16 PM - Breakups - by MR. Garcia (man)

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My GF: Stop treating me like a child.
Her Dad: You sprouting any hairs down there yet?

#99
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Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marlen (man)

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There is a cigarette burn in the front of my thong...I'm scared to know what happened last night.

#84
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Brady (man)

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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

#88
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rudy (man)

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"My dad told me my only assignment from now till graduation is to not die."

#82
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Health - by Shawn (man)

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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.

#83
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Work - by Adam (man)

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In hind sight, maybe you telling the registration nurse she was a "sexy little hooker" wasn't the best way to get you in back to get your stitches any quicker.

#90
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Jan 30, 2011 03:28 AM - Health - by Chris (man)

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She sends me this picture and says: "Treat me right, or else..."

#92
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Jan 30, 2011 03:45 AM - Love - by Brandon (man)

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Did you tell your mom to text me "I love you"?

#67
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Love - by Peter (man)

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"You are always looking for the green grass over the rainbow"

#346
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Dec 12, 2012 02:02 AM - Misc - by pie (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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Sep 22, 2015 11:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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My girlfriend said: I like the way the dogs feet smell......weather he pees on them or not. Just something about the way dog feet smell.......I like it :)

#19
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She's A Keeper! (7) - Dump Her Ass! (62)

Jan 3, 2011 04:37 AM - Misc - by jmlcolorado (man)

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A good way to prevent cheating in the US.

#89
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She's A Keeper! (7) - Dump Her Ass! (5)

Jan 30, 2011 03:23 AM - School - by WTF (man)

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