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After talking to her ex-bf: "Great, now I have hepatitis, gross.

#63
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Sex - by Mike (man)

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Just got this text from my gf. "I farted earlier and Sargent (her co-worker) was like omg what's that smell and kept sniffing. I was like yeah ew what is that?

#280
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Feb 14, 2012 01:18 AM - Work - by timbo (man)

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I saw a pigeon get pood on by another pigeon. Justice.

#210
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by PigeonCrap (man)

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Me: Check out the new Yelawolf video
GF: Whuuuut? I didnt know he was white?
Me: Whatchu mean you didnt know he was white?!
GF: I thought he was Yellow

#282
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Mar 26, 2012 05:51 AM - Misc - by iamknoware (man)

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"This woman should be the manager for making me a loyal customer."

#102
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Jan 30, 2011 05:56 AM - Work - by mademyday (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 11, 2010 09:57 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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I was walking my dog when a purse snatcher ran past me and stole the poop bag.

#207
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Misc - by Idiots (man)

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My GF: Stop treating me like a child.
Her Dad: You sprouting any hairs down there yet?

#99
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Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marlen (man)

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"I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship."

#223
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Love - by Mike (man)

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We were driving home from a weekend trip and my girl sucked me off and I came in her mouth (she never takes it in her mouth). So we are at my house the day after and I cum on her tits but got a little near her mouth. She said "just cause I spoil you one time you think you can just do what you want"

#106
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Feb 16, 2011 03:42 AM - Sex - by g6landed (man)

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I don't get it. It may be this hangover, but I just don't get it.

#64
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Jan 30, 2011 02:30 AM - Drunk - by Andrew (man)

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"I found a chair on the side of the street that looks lonely. Can I bring it home?"

#1565
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Sep 22, 2015 11:19 PM - Misc - by LonelyChair (man)

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While Skyping:
Me: What are you doing?
GF: Looking at cute aprons and matching lace thongs for when I cook dinner for you naked. Red or hot pink?

#297
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Sep 5, 2012 09:43 AM - Sex - by Darren (man)

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My little brother (10) was acting very crazy one day and my mother asked him if they needed to put him on medication. With a perfectly straight face, he replied, "There’s no medication for being awesome."

#211
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Aug 10, 2011 08:43 AM - Kids - by Awesomeness12 (man)

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"Camping in the ghetto is the equivalent to living in Uganda."

#222
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Sep 22, 2011 11:50 PM - Misc - by David (man)

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After I make it rain at a strip club, my drunk gf says: "Giving the strippers money is like feeding the animals at the zoo."

#239
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Nov 26, 2011 06:13 AM - Money - by Say Whaaaa (man)

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"I think of you as a brother...WTF?"

#72
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Jan 30, 2011 02:37 AM - Love - by Brian (man)

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"He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well."

#87
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Rodrigo (man)

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Today, I was at school and saw a girl that was deaf wearing a shirt saying, "La la la, I can't hear you! Lol...

#98
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Jan 30, 2011 05:36 AM - School - by Marcus (man)

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Took her to the movies, and came back to my car to find out my battery had died.. got it jumped and came back to her place, and as i lean in for a kiss, she backs away and says "pssh im not kissing you, your car broke down" and walks into her house. Damn.

#66
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Jan 30, 2011 02:36 AM - Breakups - by Carlos (man)

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