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After I make it rain at a strip club, my drunk gf says: "Giving the strippers money is like feeding the animals at the zoo."

#239
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Nov 26, 2011 01:13 AM - Money - by Say Whaaaa (man)

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Texting :

Girl : Hi honey :-*
Boy : Hi my love [Sending failed]

Girl : Honeeeeey ?
Boy : What happend ? I'm here [Sending failed]

Girl : Are you ignoring me ?
Boy : No honey , I'm answering you . [Sending failed]

Girl : Relationship's Over , Bye!!!
Boy : Fuck You , Go to hell !!! [Message Sent]

#229
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Feb 22, 5365 01:18 PM - Breakups - by MR. Garcia (man)

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After having sex, I finished in her mouth, and she looks up at me, a big smile comes across her face and she excitedly says "It tastes like Devon" .

#228
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Sep 25, 2011 10:15 PM - Sex - by devon-guy (man)

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On leaving me alone for a few weeks: “Ok here's where I put the laundry detergent and bleach. In case you, like, murder a hooker in bed or something.”

#227
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Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Misc - by Mark (man)

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On a foreigner we know who is traveling through Australia: “She is gonna back up on so much random dick it's incredible.”

#226
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Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Sex - by Chrisline (man)

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On her seeming lack of enthusiasm while she prepared coffee in the nude: "You get enthusiasm, or you get boobs. You don't get both."

#225
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Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Misc - by Sam (man)

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On why she was not going to wear a bra that day: “Because my boobs are awesome and they must be free to point at the sky!”

#224
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Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Drunk - by Carl (man)

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"I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship."

#223
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Sep 22, 2011 07:54 PM - Love - by Mike (man)

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"Camping in the ghetto is the equivalent to living in Uganda."

#222
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Sep 22, 2011 07:50 PM - Misc - by David (man)

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“It’s like one of those things that you smell, so you think you taste it. Like poop. Or play dough. That happens all the time! Actually, I think when I was a kid, I ate play dough.”

#221
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Sep 22, 2011 07:48 PM - Misc - by James (man)

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“You just fisted my kidney!!!”

#220
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Sep 22, 2011 07:48 PM - Sex - by Marlon (man)

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“I don’t even understand how you can dance to dubstep”

#219
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Sep 22, 2011 07:48 PM - Misc - by Steve (man)

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“I love being able to call you mine. I’m going to take care of you. All the Tomagatchis I killed were just to prepare me for keeping you alive, safe, and happy.”

#218
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Sep 22, 2011 07:48 PM - Love - by Brian (man)

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Part 1:
According to one of my friends,
I went to the swimming pool last night ... After the pool, I checked my mobile in the locker room and I had 4 missed calls and 6 text messages from my GF:
SMS1: Honey, why don't you answer my calls???
SMS2: It seems you're busy even for texting!!!
.
.
.

#217
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Sep 10, 2011 12:58 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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Part 02:
SMS3: You have to call right now or you will pay for it!!!
SMS4: Son of a B**ch, where the hell are you???

#216
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Sep 10, 2011 12:57 PM - Love - by MR. Garcia (man)

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Part 03 (Last):
SMS5: It's all my fault , I thought you were human but I was wrong!!! You piece of shit and your fat f**king mother. Go to hell with your ... cousin (girl)!!!
SMS6: Ow I forgot to say, Me and your friend "Saeed" have had a relationship for 2 months...Bye F**KER!!!

#215
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Sep 10, 2011 12:56 PM - Love - by Mr. Garcia (man)

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My girlfriend and I went to a Renaissance Fair, and she talked me into wearing a kilt. While we were browsing a shop, some old woman asked what I was wearing underneath it. Without missing a beat, my girlfriend replied “My lipstick.” The old woman turned bright red.

#213
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Aug 10, 2011 04:43 AM - Sex - by lmao234 (man)

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Today at Best Buy while I was looking through DVDs, I found the Hannah Montana Meet Miley Cyrus Concert on DVD. In the horror section.

#212
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Aug 10, 2011 04:43 AM - Misc - by Mileyhaterade (man)

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My little brother (10) was acting very crazy one day and my mother asked him if they needed to put him on medication. With a perfectly straight face, he replied, "There’s no medication for being awesome."

#211
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Aug 10, 2011 04:43 AM - Kids - by Awesomeness12 (man)

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I saw a pigeon get pood on by another pigeon. Justice.

#210
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She's A Keeper! (16) - Dump Her Ass! (1)

Aug 10, 2011 04:43 AM - Misc - by PigeonCrap (man)

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