My girlfriend and I were playing making up words with license plates of other cars, when we stopped at a red light there was a car infront of us with the license plate DCK679 she said "Oh i got one..but I dont wanna say it.." And I said DUCK? and she said "Ohh...yeah" Someone wasn't thinking of duck

"I think I'm gonna go out tonight. I feel like dancing and flirting with boys" "oops, I didn't mean to text you."

Me: "I hear that Kangaroos are actually becoming a problem nowadays." She says "Yeah, there are a bunch of them in Australia."

I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with you because I'm sad I'm not married yet.

"Is a Hippo an animal?"

dead serious: "does the devil have a big penis?"

My asian girlfriend got me (white guy) to admit I have an asian fetish. She then said if she had known that before she would have dumped me, but "it's too late now since I love you."

After introducing her to star trek she said, "what's wrong with Spock's eyebrow bone?"

I think guys can sense when I'm not wearing underwear. They always hit on me. After all, you asked me out on a day I wasn't wearing any either.

I asked my girlfriend, "So, what's on the to-do list tonight?" She replied, "Well, I'm going to blow you when you get here, then make you some food, play some Call of Duty, and then let you stick it in my ass."

Just started dating a girl and she calls me before our second date to tell me she couldn't wait to see me that night. She said her roommate had walked in and interrupted her masturbating that morning and she was on "edge" all day.

Me- "I've realized I really like ellipsis" Her- "Like, the thing that happens to the sun?" Me- "No, that's an eclipse. I'm talking about the ... at the end of a sentence." Her- "Ohh, I didn't know that had a name!"

My GF introduced me at a party using her ex-bf's name. We've been dating for 7 months.

"I was stoked on phone sex until you started reciting lines from Star Wars"

Last night in bed as we are falling asleep my gf says "this thong is pissing me off" - and then it came off.

"I hate when I see ugly girls with hot boyfriends, its like god is playing a cruel joke."

On a long car ride with my gf, she was looking at the directions and noticed the number between the one we needed and the one we passed was a difference of thirteen. So she said "just thirteen more exits to go" I spent the rest of the hour trying to explain to her how exit numbers really work

me and my girl were watching spongebob and they had a birthday cake with a candle. and she asked "how can there be fire underwater" i replied "uh idk why is there a squirrel in a scuba suit and a talking sponge?

My room mate, my girlfriend, and I were driving to a party one night when we were making jokes at her expense. Apparently we crossed the line and she said "You know, the voices in my head don't like you!!". Needless to say that was the last thing said all night.

So my girlfriend and I were laying on the couch and I pressed my ass against her stomach and asked "Can I fart?" and she said "If you fart I am going to grab your wiener" so i farted and she proceeded to grab my cock. =)