Me: "It's a form of contraception"; Her: "What the fxxk is contra-sept-shun??"

my GF got pissed at me for being at a LAN party. she asked if i got laid, i said no we were playing counterstrike. she said "is that when you throw beans at each other?"

Late at night the first time we hooked up, she smiled and looked up at me and said "I like cum!" what do you think, should I keep her?

I started seeing this girl. And right before sleeping with her, She said: "Um... I've let all the guys I sleep with cum in my mouth."

I told my gf about how I was at a store and got 5 cents cash back just to be a dick to the cashier and she replied, "Why would people not want cash back? I mean your getting free money. Wait, what is cash back?"

Roommate's girlfriend... "I knew Vietnam was a war, but I didn't realize it was a country also!"

"it's mashmaro not hamtaro you dyslexic fuck!!!!"

While looking at a Winnie the Pooh children's book - "Pooh likes too...yeah pooh likes to do a lot of things...except come out my ass".

i wrote on facebook that i was having a kid. my girlfriend saw and started yelling at me asking who i was having a kid with?

i was dating a girl the other day and she wouldnt shutup.. jabbermouth type. i tuned in for one sentence "I hate chocolate and peanutbutter together but i love reeses"

Eating Buffalo Chicken Wings - "What kind of meat are these." "Chicken." "What part of the animial?" ".....the wing." "What? They're huge! How many wings do they have?" facepalm.

My girlfriend and I were playing making up words with license plates of other cars, when we stopped at a red light there was a car infront of us with the license plate DCK679 she said "Oh i got one..but I dont wanna say it.." And I said DUCK? and she said "Ohh...yeah" Someone wasn't thinking of duck

"I think I'm gonna go out tonight. I feel like dancing and flirting with boys" "oops, I didn't mean to text you."

Me: "I hear that Kangaroos are actually becoming a problem nowadays." She says "Yeah, there are a bunch of them in Australia."

I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with you because I'm sad I'm not married yet.

"Is a Hippo an animal?"

dead serious: "does the devil have a big penis?"

My asian girlfriend got me (white guy) to admit I have an asian fetish. She then said if she had known that before she would have dumped me, but "it's too late now since I love you."

After introducing her to star trek she said, "what's wrong with Spock's eyebrow bone?"

I think guys can sense when I'm not wearing underwear. They always hit on me. After all, you asked me out on a day I wasn't wearing any either.