So after receiving a blowjob my girlfriend says "That will be the last, your cum has too many calories!" she was serious.

She was on her period. She suggested we make "ass babies".

Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.

I say, "Can I fuck you now?" She replied, "No! I want you to cum in my mouth!"

"Shut up, I will rape you."

She was texting me sexual stuff and I told her I was out buying beer with the guys so it wasn't really the best time for that kind of "conversation". She responded with "Ok, well go buy beer and get drunk with the boys then sext me later". Perfect response.

We were about to f*ck...until I saw her razor burn and thought it was herpes. Took her 15 minutes to convince me it wasn't.

"The sooner we finish wrapping the presents, the sooner you get to start filling me with cum. Now get wrapping, or that will be tomorrow."

So after giving me a BJ, she said to her "hot" friend (who is a playboy), "your turn" and once she was done, my gf and anna said "alright, we've pleased you enough, its our turn so get to work and bent over for me..."

my girlfriend's grandma made fideo. we were texting and she sent this "hey come over for some questionable food and a bj".

"I love the way you taste when you shoot off in my mouth. It makes me feel all warm inside."

After giving me a blowjob, "Shit, why is it when you come on my face you always get it in my eye?"

Instead of a promise ring, I got my clit pierced. It's a promise that I'll always give you ass! =]

If you don't let us come over today, I'm not taking the second plan b pill. Your call.

"My mom found a condom in my purse. Sorry, correction: my mom found our used condom in my purse."

"Threesome last night. Not that cool; you tend to pick a favorite, and it's usually the other girl."

She insisted that I do her up the ass, and would not take no for an answer, even though I didn't want to, and she didn't want to be done up the ass. But her ex bf did her up the ass, and she didn't want him to have anything I didn't get.

Me: I love having sex with you!; Her: When do I get to start enjoying it?

"Is that a penis? Is that a penis on my leg? Oh my god! It is! That's a penis on my leg. Ewww!"

My gf was giving me head and after she swallowed, she said "Look mom, no mess!"