"It's okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen." - No, babe, if the guy remembers it, you're gonna get broken up with.

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

While watching Apocalypse Now, Cpt. Willard starts talking about the Viet Cong and my girlfriend asks me "Who's Charlie? "

You're reading about stars that might support intelligent life? You mean like Mars?

My girlfriend and I were playing making up words with license plates of other cars, when we stopped at a red light there was a car infront of us with the license plate DCK679 she said "Oh i got one..but I dont wanna say it.." And I said DUCK? and she said "Ohh...yeah" Someone wasn't thinking of duck

(Over a phone call). (Her): Babe what's a lune attic? (Me): Spell it. (Her): L-u-n-a-t-i-c. (Me): That would be a lunatic dear, something you are. (Her): O, you're so smart babe....... sigh

"Just screw me now. I have been around to much estrogen today and i need the testorone in my life."

My girlfriend and I were fooling around, and I wanted her to talk dirty, so she said very awkwardly "Oh yeah, I like that on my..... breasts." Needless to say we had to stop and laugh then try to continue.

"You're like the Vagina Whisper"

"But she's so pretty for a deaf girl"

"She called me a whore because I like anal. I told her. I said she ought to try it before she called people names. I was so annoyed I even offered your cock to help her out. She didn't exactly say no. Still, if she borrows it, who would be the whore?"

I used to love "Charles in Charge". But I never understood what he was in charge of...

"She thinks that hooking up in the theater bathroom is bad? How about in the theater.. during Shrek 3. HaHa"

While watching a show about ugly dogs, my gf says, "Those dogs are gross! They literally look like walking vaginas."

Concerning the final score of the New Orleans Saints, the man who scored was an African American, "That's not fair, he's faster cuz he has slave feet."

"I think I'm gonna go out tonight. I feel like dancing and flirting with boys" "oops, I didn't mean to text you."

"this might be out of the blue and i could blame it on the drugs, but i won't. next time, i want you to cum in my ass. k, that's all, gnight" i love nyquil

"The more I think about it, the more I think it's not really my fault. I mean think about it: how many people have seen my crotch in the past year? A lot." My wife after a doctor's appointment following being pregnant.

"Hey, where is Jersey shore filmed?"

I will never understand how these fratty people can look at themselves in a mirror and think wearing a Northface vest is a good look.